Possible Codeine Depenedency

[wills84]

Two months ago my partner left me, well we split. I knew she was unhappy, I guess we both were. We both have respectable busy lives and it got too much not spending time together, me being jealous and unhappy when every weekend she'd take herself off to her family home instead of us being together. I guess that's another story!

Anyway, in November, we'd been kinda carrying on. We were still in our house and being normal without the affection when one morning we had a row and she packed up and left to go to her parents while I was having my lunch at mine. For the next two weeks we both kept going back to the house and staying the night, we were as close as friends could be. Then one Monday morning, five weeks ago tomorrow, after an evening where I cooked her dinner, we sat and watched films and slept in the same bed, she got up for work and I have never seen her since. And it's completely destroyed me. I guess this is my background to it all.

So as time has gone on, she has very minimal contact with me, she will text if it's about ending the lease, but I know she's not only deleted but blocked me from every form of social media, and each time I find out about something else she's cut me off from, I'm medicating to try and forget.

I've managed to get into a routine of taking as much codeine/Nurofen Plus/Solpadol as possible to get through a day and not think without arousing suspicion at work or home about what is going on. Everyone knows I'm struggling with all my unanswered questions and how my ex is now having the time of her life, after two months ago she'd have died for me. At the moment a day can consist of any number or any mixture of the above pills...I feel like I can stop if I want to, but I don't because they make me forget, and if not forget then not care for half an hour. I've started getting irritable and agitated when I'm not taking them (like right now) hence trying to write down my feelings. One example was on Thursday, my Gran cooked a pre Christmas dinner for me and all my friends at her house. Everyone was in a great mood and I looked at Twitter, I knew I'd been deleted but she had blocked me now. So instead of eating I took pills and pretended I felt sick.

One option is going to see a counsellor, which may or may not work. I feel like I spend my whole time talking about this break up when it doesn't do any good, the only thing that would is her giving me answers. I feel tired and drained all of the time, so then I just take more. Right now I'd estimate I'm putting about 120mg of codeine into me a day which isn't good when you're sort of rather slight in figure.

Sorry guys, I don't know what advice I'm looking for because nothing seems to work! I know tomorrow at work I'll go in feeling sad (I'll probably cry for the whole drive there), then take Nurofen Plus, be fine until lunchtime, crash and be tired for the afternoon, come home and be annoyed and irritable again. I want to get out of this cycle and enjoy sport and life again like I used to and right now I just feel awful. I know it's not serious (yet), so I know my problems are trivial compared to most on here.

[clevercass]

Youve moved forward just by voicing this so heres the facts. You are using in your head, the end of a relationship and all the hurt it causes you by substituting the pain with something that your head thinks is good. Ie taking codeine. If it has paracetamol in it youll wind up feelin worse soon as youll need to take more cos the headaches and pains grow in intensity the more pills you take. I should know ive been over dosing on cocodamol for around 9 years-im 29. This is my third day just on codeine phosphate and gabapentin as my doc has prescribed me for fybromyalgia. The withdrawal of paracetamol isnt so bad to be honest im just suffering a bit of headaches and all my joints and nerve endings in pain etc. Nithing i dont already experience. As you can see im not on here telling u ive been clean for 3 years and life is wonderful etc. Feel a bit cap to be honest but have realised its better than destroying my liver which eill eventually kill me if i keep takin paracetamol. U just need to realise your life is more important than allowing the end of your relayionship to destroy you as a person. Its a complete mental battle. Not willpower. If it was willpoer there wouldnt be and alcoholics or smokers etc. If you can get through the first couple of days ull be stronger in your head amd it wont be so much a battle. Do it now or else every time you have a relationship that ends will you go straight to a chemist. If the drugs worked so well for breaking up im sure every doc would prescribe them. The fu ny thing is there IS medication for depression, stress, anxiety etc the key is go and see your doctor so that u can use all the help you can get- not abuse. U sound like a smart person so stop pretending your dumb. U dint want to end up like ive been going into different chemists buying pills and hiding from my family. You owe yourself more than that existence.