Facing up to alcoholism, and getting help

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Facing up to alcoholism, and getting help

Postby robertbryant » Wed Jan 06, 2016 3:02 pm

Hi all,

I'll try to keep this as brief as I can, but I tend to be a somewhat verbose person..

I first realised that I may have a problem with alcohol after a breakup (I'm sure I'm not alone in this), which saw me drinking at least 30 units per day for a couple of months. I still functioned in daily life - I managed to get my PhD sorted, for instance, and was highly social - but when I realised that my daily routine included having whisky for breakfast and while working out... I pretty much figured it was time to stop drinking for a while. The first two weeks or so were hell - shakes, anxiety attacks - but I got through it. I didn't drink for about three months.

Then I decided that I'm a clever person, and clever people are able to control their urges, so I started drinking moderately. That was all fine for a while (I would have the urge to consume more than is normal, but managed to keep it in check), but then, well, it wasn't. This was about three years ago, and today I find myself in a somewhat stressful situation both at work and privately. Naturally this means that I've started drinking more heavily. Over the past few weeks I'd estimate that I've been consuming about 30 units per day - sometimes more, sometimes less.

I know this isn't normal. Yet, I function normally (I'm still doing research, meeting people) and no one seems able to tell that I'm essentially drunk all the time. My wife, who presently lives abroad, came over for a week, and I managed to hide my drinking from her by storing bottles up by the water reserve in the bathroom which she can't reach and wouldn't have any reason to go into. I've told her about my past issues with alcohol, something that has made her nervous, and as such I thought it best to hide it from her. The logic in my mind is that it isn't hurting me, nor her, and if anything makes me a more interesting, sociable, and energetic person to be around. Yet, I can't deny that it's an absolutely ridiculous way to live, and I know - deep down, mind you, and this is very hard to admit even in writing - that I have a problem. I - a person with the audacious confidence to call themselves an intellectual and not feel embarrassed - need help.

I'm sorry if I sound like a bit of a twat, which I certainly can be in terms of my confidence in my own abilities, but I only tell you this as it's seems to be the very root of my problem. While I understand that I have an issue, I can't bring myself to seek it as this would imply anything but perfect control over my own actions.

I did try, once, to bring this up with my GP. I had been experiencing stomach pains for a long time, and when she asked if I had any clue as to what may have brought this on, I mentioned nervously that I consume far too much alcohol. At the time I was but 25, and she didn't seem to take it seriously at all. Most likely she put it down to being 'a student' (which I was not), and left it at that. I have also been to see a mental health professional, who turned out to be anything but the latter. You might say that my confidence is my main weakness, and his lack thereof made it impossible for me to take him seriously.

Again, I'm very sorry that I sound like such a twat - I swear I'm not - but I stress my confidence due to the fact that it seems, whether directly or indirectly, to be stopping me from getting or receiving the help I badly need. It also seems that when seeing that I'm a "doctor" (i.e. PhD) combined with my general manner, people get a bit nervous. I'm a somewhat unusual character, and I come across as someone who analyses everything in detail - largely because I do. I believe this to be part of the issue with my getting help, but perhaps I'm just being a pompous arse making up excuses for my own failings.

So that's why I'm here - to ask what the best course of action for someone in my position might be. I sorely need help, and don't have the strength to stop drinking on my own, but I don't know where to go. What could, or rather should, I expect from a GP if I go in to discuss this issue? Is there another branch of the NHS that may be more suitable? Are there any organisations beyond AA - which I have tried, but found very difficult due to their religious spiel - that are worth trying?

I need help. I am an alcoholic.
robertbryant
 
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