by sorrystate31 » Sat Dec 19, 2015 12:24 pm
Hi, I can relate to this. When you don't use daily you think you haven't got a problem.
But in reality you have.
I only used Coke on a Friday and Saturday night. Started using when at parties and out in town. But then began using at home with my other half as have children and getting babysitters was difficult.
We thought we weren't doing any harm. Most people drink alcohol at home on a Friday and sat night, so what was the problem with what we were doing?
Weeks became months, months became 3 yrs and before I knew it I was finding evidence of my partner using during the week behind my back. He would make arguements with me so I wouldnt talk to him, then he could use Coke slyly and I wouldn't know if he was just sat there watching tv. I found him a out on a few occasions. He was sorry and would promise not to do it again. But I still used with him on a Friday and sat, thinking he was the one with the big problem and not me.
But I was feeding his habit and he was feeding mine. We became co-dependant.
He just came out of rehab a few days ago. When he was not here I thought about Coke, but didn't feel the need to do it. Now he's back I have a desire to do it again. I've been clean of Coke and weed (which we smoked everyday for 16yrs) for 4 weeks now. He's doing the 12 steps with CA and I am having local one to ones with a local support group. But I am an addict. I always will be, we are in the early stages of recovery. Neither of us want to do it again, but there is always a desire. Coke nowadays is only about 12% actual cocaine, the rest is made up of all sorts. For the first time in a long time, I have feelings and a clear head. We can't go back or we will loose everything. Stay strong and get help, it's out there you just have to look for it. Good luck!